I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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