she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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