Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
