Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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