I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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