whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
