I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
