still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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