Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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