I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
