I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
