I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
