is your mom at the bar?
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
