I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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