i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
