It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
