Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
