just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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