Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
