just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
