So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
