...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
