I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
