I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
