I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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