I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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