the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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