she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
