i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
