i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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