i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
