Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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