The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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