I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
