Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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