do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
