ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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