Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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