we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
