Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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