Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
