...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
