Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
