The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
