That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
