it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
