with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
