theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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