a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
