I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
