I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
